Wolfgang doing a sucker impersonation with Guito Posse
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Good Bye Summer Friend
Our season in the sun's warm light is over
but your memories they will last
we'll both be a year bigger when we meet again
even your fight it was a blast.
I'll be waiting here for you on the shore
when the winters snow will melt
come visit my rod again
I promise to let you go.
Written by Wolfy, a.k.a. K2 , labhor day 05 on the St. Croix River to a sucker fish named Gueto Posse, a.k.a. Sucka
but your memories they will last
we'll both be a year bigger when we meet again
even your fight it was a blast.
I'll be waiting here for you on the shore
when the winters snow will melt
come visit my rod again
I promise to let you go.
Written by Wolfy, a.k.a. K2 , labhor day 05 on the St. Croix River to a sucker fish named Gueto Posse, a.k.a. Sucka
Friday, September 23, 2005
Friction
How to piss the world around you off:
Wear your sons expensive baggy getto skater jeans. Then hang out in your son's vicinity. Smile and politely say thank you when complimented on them. Do not change out of them for a week at least. Most important, do not wash them. Sleep in them.
When driving down a dark country lane at night and approached from behind by a fast moving car, obviously the obnoxious teenagers in your neighborhood, slow waaay down. Do not let them pass you by driving your jeep in the center of the road. If you do let them get around you, turn your lights on high beam and ride their ass.
While seated near a family of noisy kids that are too young to sit quietly through a movie without crying at a theater, say nothing to them. Wait until they are on their cell phone after the show is over, and surround the parent with yourself and your well mannered children. All of you then must start then start yelling, "Waa-Waa-Waa-Waa", loudly enough to ruin her conversation and frighten her brats.
Sing out of season highly repetitive Christmas carols at work. Or if you know the lyrics to the Seasme Street diddy, "Ma na min na, be beep, be be beep, ma na min na, be beep be be, ma na min na, be be da beep beep, da beep beep, da beep beep, da be be be be...", in a Grover voice, sing it only once. Co workers will not be able to get the words out of their heads and will be singing all day driving themselves crazy.
When you pull out of the mall parking lot, during the holiday season, late one cold night, after pulling a double shift ringing the salvation army bell, and the local cop pulls you over for a tail light infraction, in the blizzard that caused to to quite for the night, smile as you paw through your billfold with your frozen fingers while you try to find your proof of insurance. Make the creepy donut eater stand and wait in the cold snow as you countless times rifle through your pictures and business cards. Repetedly mutter, "I know I got it here somewhere", but do by no means pull out the card. When the pig has lost all patience and is bouncing on his tip toes to keep warm, smile up at him and say, "Some weather eh". When he stomps back to his cruiser to write you up for no proof of insurance, lean back in your seat, holding your insurance card in one hand on top of the steering wheel. When the officer comes back with your ticket, branish your card and say, "Knew I had it." Smile sweetly as he fumes away with your unsigned ticket.
When the waiter who brings you lunch insists the chocolate syrup that was drizzled over your sauteed veggies is really a balsamic reduction sauce, go ahead and argue. Disagree both times he returns to the kitchen to check. When he finally does concede that yes, Hursheys was used, tell him it was the best part. Eat only the chocolate- leave the rest of your meal. Spell out "condescending ass" out of the uneaten vegetables as a tip.
If your mate repeatedly refuses to pick up his dirty socks off the kitchen floor, do not nag the over worked darling. Instead pick them up for him. Then carry them gingerly out to his work shop before nailing them to the wall.
When your cat is sitting on your lap, make a huffing sound non stop through your open mouth. It must sound like a cross between a labor pain and an orgasm. A little like a rapid dog pant.When kitties eyes get big and black, do not stop. Unless your feline has not been declawed. Not responsible for scars.
If those in your household leave their eye glasses in your space, leave them right where they lay. But use vasaline or a light coating of butter over the lens to encouage their owners to put their spectacles in a safe clean environment.
If a discourteous driver happens to take up more than one parking space, squeeze yourself in as close as you can to his car. Even if you have room on the other side. Must be done on the drivers side so he cannot open his door to get in.
When the neighbor kid calls for the millionth time and asks for your son, do not repeat telling him, no he is not here right now, he will call you back when he is home. Instead, ask who is calling.When he answers Jake, exclaim, "Jake, there's no one named Jake here, what are you calling me for?" Hang up. It will confuse Jake into not calling back.
While walking past the elevator at work while a co-worker is getting on, yell, "Race ya!", and make it look as if you are heading for the stair. They will not get mad for about the three minutes when they realize you are not coming and they wasted time waiting for you to appear on the stairs so they could gloat their victory.
When the carry out boy at the grocery store struggles with your cumbersome bags, ask, "Are those heavy?" Their vanity will not allow them to admit their arms are braking off. When they answer, "No", ask them to carry your purse then too.
If you are female, tuck part of your shirt into the bottom of your bra under the cups. But do not hike it up to show any navel. Just tuck in about a half an inch. It will distract and annoy any males in your viewing range.
Post unrelated comments on other bloggers posts. Go off on a entire different topic. Make your comment longer than their post.
Have a good day eh.
Wear your sons expensive baggy getto skater jeans. Then hang out in your son's vicinity. Smile and politely say thank you when complimented on them. Do not change out of them for a week at least. Most important, do not wash them. Sleep in them.
When driving down a dark country lane at night and approached from behind by a fast moving car, obviously the obnoxious teenagers in your neighborhood, slow waaay down. Do not let them pass you by driving your jeep in the center of the road. If you do let them get around you, turn your lights on high beam and ride their ass.
While seated near a family of noisy kids that are too young to sit quietly through a movie without crying at a theater, say nothing to them. Wait until they are on their cell phone after the show is over, and surround the parent with yourself and your well mannered children. All of you then must start then start yelling, "Waa-Waa-Waa-Waa", loudly enough to ruin her conversation and frighten her brats.
Sing out of season highly repetitive Christmas carols at work. Or if you know the lyrics to the Seasme Street diddy, "Ma na min na, be beep, be be beep, ma na min na, be beep be be, ma na min na, be be da beep beep, da beep beep, da beep beep, da be be be be...", in a Grover voice, sing it only once. Co workers will not be able to get the words out of their heads and will be singing all day driving themselves crazy.
When you pull out of the mall parking lot, during the holiday season, late one cold night, after pulling a double shift ringing the salvation army bell, and the local cop pulls you over for a tail light infraction, in the blizzard that caused to to quite for the night, smile as you paw through your billfold with your frozen fingers while you try to find your proof of insurance. Make the creepy donut eater stand and wait in the cold snow as you countless times rifle through your pictures and business cards. Repetedly mutter, "I know I got it here somewhere", but do by no means pull out the card. When the pig has lost all patience and is bouncing on his tip toes to keep warm, smile up at him and say, "Some weather eh". When he stomps back to his cruiser to write you up for no proof of insurance, lean back in your seat, holding your insurance card in one hand on top of the steering wheel. When the officer comes back with your ticket, branish your card and say, "Knew I had it." Smile sweetly as he fumes away with your unsigned ticket.
When the waiter who brings you lunch insists the chocolate syrup that was drizzled over your sauteed veggies is really a balsamic reduction sauce, go ahead and argue. Disagree both times he returns to the kitchen to check. When he finally does concede that yes, Hursheys was used, tell him it was the best part. Eat only the chocolate- leave the rest of your meal. Spell out "condescending ass" out of the uneaten vegetables as a tip.
If your mate repeatedly refuses to pick up his dirty socks off the kitchen floor, do not nag the over worked darling. Instead pick them up for him. Then carry them gingerly out to his work shop before nailing them to the wall.
When your cat is sitting on your lap, make a huffing sound non stop through your open mouth. It must sound like a cross between a labor pain and an orgasm. A little like a rapid dog pant.When kitties eyes get big and black, do not stop. Unless your feline has not been declawed. Not responsible for scars.
If those in your household leave their eye glasses in your space, leave them right where they lay. But use vasaline or a light coating of butter over the lens to encouage their owners to put their spectacles in a safe clean environment.
If a discourteous driver happens to take up more than one parking space, squeeze yourself in as close as you can to his car. Even if you have room on the other side. Must be done on the drivers side so he cannot open his door to get in.
When the neighbor kid calls for the millionth time and asks for your son, do not repeat telling him, no he is not here right now, he will call you back when he is home. Instead, ask who is calling.When he answers Jake, exclaim, "Jake, there's no one named Jake here, what are you calling me for?" Hang up. It will confuse Jake into not calling back.
While walking past the elevator at work while a co-worker is getting on, yell, "Race ya!", and make it look as if you are heading for the stair. They will not get mad for about the three minutes when they realize you are not coming and they wasted time waiting for you to appear on the stairs so they could gloat their victory.
When the carry out boy at the grocery store struggles with your cumbersome bags, ask, "Are those heavy?" Their vanity will not allow them to admit their arms are braking off. When they answer, "No", ask them to carry your purse then too.
If you are female, tuck part of your shirt into the bottom of your bra under the cups. But do not hike it up to show any navel. Just tuck in about a half an inch. It will distract and annoy any males in your viewing range.
Post unrelated comments on other bloggers posts. Go off on a entire different topic. Make your comment longer than their post.
Have a good day eh.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Runaway Kook
If it wasn't for that cow on the side of the Kemps dairy truck, I wouldn't be here right now. Not in my home, or in this state either. Probley nor even on this continent for that matter. The time it took that semi to make a leisurely left hand turn west onto highway 8, was all the time I needed to change my mind and abandon my brilliant scheme. It was that heifer's face looking back at me with it's large soft brown eyes along with the Kemps company motto, "It's the cows", written underneath it that reminded me of Robert B's eyes, and the promise I had made him for dinner.
Work at the rehab center has not been running smoothly. Both my patience and my tolerance has been worn thin due to the mountain of added responsibility, and increased work load crammed into my over long work day. Coworkers, instead of being of help, exist only to cause me irritation lately. My mind, when aloud the luxury of a daydream, wraps it's self around foot rubs and warm solitary bed fantasies. This past weekend, when the walk in cooler and freezer sighed it's last tempt breath, it was the nudge that sent me cursing over the edge. My heart sunk with a loud thud hitting the now barren metal cooler causing a rippling effect in the strategically placed lakes surrounding the compound. Then I thought of the pending alumni reunion coming in for a long weekend and me with no refridgeration to uphold my food sanity. As much as I longed to crawl under the desk in the back store room and curl up, hugging my knees to my chest while I rock maniacally and babble in devil tongue, I did the next best thing. I commandeered in a somewhat shady manner the company van and planned to pick up my needed perishables from the main kitchen and transport all of them back across campus to my kitchen between each meal. That would have been a breeze had each meal not consisted of a dozen loaded carts of industrial sized food stuffs. Tossing the last of my necessities for dinner into the van, the gallon sized plastic jug of thousand island dressing slipped out of my hands and landed on the cement, exploding on contact, and covering me from the knees to toes in stinky orange goo. My mind was beyond pandemonium at that point. It was t minus one hour forty five minutes to have two entrees, a carbohydrate and choice of veg plus a salad bar and desert ready for sixty hungry expectant guests. The shelf live of my reasoning ability had reached it expiration point.
I left that broken jug of dressing right where it landed, at the base of the steps into the big kitchen. I had also dropped all premise of rational as I sat perched on the edge of the illicit van's seat, clutching on the the steering wheel to be able to reach the pedals. I hoped the big lout who had moved the seat all the way back and jammed it, so I had to drive like a little munkay just handed a loaded gun, slipped in my mess, and hurt himself, bad.
The campus was already teeming with new arrivals. As I politely waited as the pokey pedestrains meandered across my service road/walking path, I hatched my plan.
I had a large loaded van with with food and a tank full of gas. A very non descriptive vehicle. All I had to do was make a series of turns out of this compound and head to the open road and freedom. Easy does it, my ass, I thought, when my nervous eyes spotted the company's encouraging road sign posted to remind all abusers as well as all drivers to slow down, as I made my first turn onto the road towards a new life. Move now, you dawdling group of penguins posing as promenaders, I'm out of here.
I would pick my boys up at their school on my way, and call my supervisor, explaining vaguely I had a huge incident to buy myself time before he called the authority's and reported the van stolden. I could put many miles between hell and destiny before they called the cops. Buy enough time to snatch some new plates in another state even, I planned as I was finally able to pull out onto the service road. I grinned as I imagined a group of starving rioters pillaging my listing kitchen with flaming torches and fighting over the goldfish crackers I had left behind.
My kids would love our adventure. I would let them pick out their new hair colors at some Walmart in Iowa. Heck they could even pick out their new names. Of course I would stop by my bank on 8 and empty some of the accounts. I would have K1, I mean Marly, as he has always liked that name, in the front seat with me, with sunglasses and a linen napkin fashioned into a turban of sorts wrapped around his head to give the illusion, when the teller is questioned later, and the security camera footage scanned, that I may be being abducted by a terrorist.
I would stop by a few construction sites on my way south and send charming K2, er, Otto out to sell lunches to hungry workers at break time from the supplies in our getaway van to further our pocket money and lighten our load. Get out of my way damn you, you smug maitenance driver in your issued company vehicle. South America is waiting for me.
I will drop the van off at some airport in say, Ohio, to throw any unwanted heat off our trail. By that time, all the steaks blood will be mixed with the pork blood that will have dripped off of the raw meat in back and onto the van's floor and the time it takes for the lab tests to confirm they are not mine or the kids will jigsaw our puzzle even more. Then I can buy myself a nice little black el Camino circa 1978 that I have always wanted well since 1978. I don't care if you are a staff member or not there sister, walk like you mean it or I will be wearing you on the outside of this get a way van.
How hard would it be for me and the kids to get across the border into a warm third world country.?Gotta be much easier than getting in. My breathing became a little faster as I pulled onto Pleasant Orchard Road, off the foundations land , as I pictured the clean little ocean village I would soon be calling home. I would open a jerk chicken stand on the beach, my kids like fire, and I would make our living selling barbecue to the affluent tourist. Or perhalps a coffee stand where I would be a barista named Geta and the locals would come for a cup and a story of my homeland, Norway, and my family who had all died in an unexpected avalanche while herding the sheep that supplied the wool needed for the manufacturing of Ugg boots. Marly will teach travelers to string flower lai's and Otto will study marine biology. If anyone trys to speak Norwegin to me, I will burst into tears and clain I am to despondant to reply in my native tounge. We will only allow ourselves to miss our past as we sit cooking our sweet potato lefsa on a hot rock in our fire pit on Christmas, and plan for the day I can tell Hubby of our whereabouts, after he has retired and cashes in his pension, to join us. I cannot tell him sooner, as he cannot lie and the police would see through him faster than the clear sea saltwater that will be in the taffy I will manufacture and slip notes in, fortune cookie style, before shipping back to Minnesota to maintain correspondence with my family behind.
Areosmith, Cake, Systems of the Down, Rolling Stones and even a new PSP to keep me and the kids entertained on the long drive went on the Walmart shopping list in my mind as I squeezed my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel so I would not slide back in the seat and be unable to reach the accelerator once the semi in front of me finally pulls into traffic onto highway 8. I must remember a large cushion to brace my back as long as I'm there, or I will never be able to drive the entire trip, I thought.
It was then the semi pulled into traffic and I caught sight of those beautiful bovine eyes pleading with me. Roberts eyes. His license plate on his Mercedes reads Dr Bear. And he is a sweet teddy bear of a doctor man. He has been back at recovery almost a month now. I am always glad to see him and he is polite and often asks after my kids. I share my adventures on my day off with him and I show him pictures of my family. I try to make a special effort to cook healthy alternatives for Robert. He vaguely mentioned once to me he likes kale, and I told him I would see what I could do to get my hands on some for him. Robert has told me if he does not take care of his body, and what he eats, he is more tempted to abuse chemicals again. The thought of him backsliding and start using again could mean the possibility of him unintentionally hurting one of his patents. I could not live like that, even on a beach front nirvana.
All I thought about when I turned that grey van around at the stop sign was weather or not the bale of kale in the back would taste good with a smathering of thousand island dressing.
Work at the rehab center has not been running smoothly. Both my patience and my tolerance has been worn thin due to the mountain of added responsibility, and increased work load crammed into my over long work day. Coworkers, instead of being of help, exist only to cause me irritation lately. My mind, when aloud the luxury of a daydream, wraps it's self around foot rubs and warm solitary bed fantasies. This past weekend, when the walk in cooler and freezer sighed it's last tempt breath, it was the nudge that sent me cursing over the edge. My heart sunk with a loud thud hitting the now barren metal cooler causing a rippling effect in the strategically placed lakes surrounding the compound. Then I thought of the pending alumni reunion coming in for a long weekend and me with no refridgeration to uphold my food sanity. As much as I longed to crawl under the desk in the back store room and curl up, hugging my knees to my chest while I rock maniacally and babble in devil tongue, I did the next best thing. I commandeered in a somewhat shady manner the company van and planned to pick up my needed perishables from the main kitchen and transport all of them back across campus to my kitchen between each meal. That would have been a breeze had each meal not consisted of a dozen loaded carts of industrial sized food stuffs. Tossing the last of my necessities for dinner into the van, the gallon sized plastic jug of thousand island dressing slipped out of my hands and landed on the cement, exploding on contact, and covering me from the knees to toes in stinky orange goo. My mind was beyond pandemonium at that point. It was t minus one hour forty five minutes to have two entrees, a carbohydrate and choice of veg plus a salad bar and desert ready for sixty hungry expectant guests. The shelf live of my reasoning ability had reached it expiration point.
I left that broken jug of dressing right where it landed, at the base of the steps into the big kitchen. I had also dropped all premise of rational as I sat perched on the edge of the illicit van's seat, clutching on the the steering wheel to be able to reach the pedals. I hoped the big lout who had moved the seat all the way back and jammed it, so I had to drive like a little munkay just handed a loaded gun, slipped in my mess, and hurt himself, bad.
The campus was already teeming with new arrivals. As I politely waited as the pokey pedestrains meandered across my service road/walking path, I hatched my plan.
I had a large loaded van with with food and a tank full of gas. A very non descriptive vehicle. All I had to do was make a series of turns out of this compound and head to the open road and freedom. Easy does it, my ass, I thought, when my nervous eyes spotted the company's encouraging road sign posted to remind all abusers as well as all drivers to slow down, as I made my first turn onto the road towards a new life. Move now, you dawdling group of penguins posing as promenaders, I'm out of here.
I would pick my boys up at their school on my way, and call my supervisor, explaining vaguely I had a huge incident to buy myself time before he called the authority's and reported the van stolden. I could put many miles between hell and destiny before they called the cops. Buy enough time to snatch some new plates in another state even, I planned as I was finally able to pull out onto the service road. I grinned as I imagined a group of starving rioters pillaging my listing kitchen with flaming torches and fighting over the goldfish crackers I had left behind.
My kids would love our adventure. I would let them pick out their new hair colors at some Walmart in Iowa. Heck they could even pick out their new names. Of course I would stop by my bank on 8 and empty some of the accounts. I would have K1, I mean Marly, as he has always liked that name, in the front seat with me, with sunglasses and a linen napkin fashioned into a turban of sorts wrapped around his head to give the illusion, when the teller is questioned later, and the security camera footage scanned, that I may be being abducted by a terrorist.
I would stop by a few construction sites on my way south and send charming K2, er, Otto out to sell lunches to hungry workers at break time from the supplies in our getaway van to further our pocket money and lighten our load. Get out of my way damn you, you smug maitenance driver in your issued company vehicle. South America is waiting for me.
I will drop the van off at some airport in say, Ohio, to throw any unwanted heat off our trail. By that time, all the steaks blood will be mixed with the pork blood that will have dripped off of the raw meat in back and onto the van's floor and the time it takes for the lab tests to confirm they are not mine or the kids will jigsaw our puzzle even more. Then I can buy myself a nice little black el Camino circa 1978 that I have always wanted well since 1978. I don't care if you are a staff member or not there sister, walk like you mean it or I will be wearing you on the outside of this get a way van.
How hard would it be for me and the kids to get across the border into a warm third world country.?Gotta be much easier than getting in. My breathing became a little faster as I pulled onto Pleasant Orchard Road, off the foundations land , as I pictured the clean little ocean village I would soon be calling home. I would open a jerk chicken stand on the beach, my kids like fire, and I would make our living selling barbecue to the affluent tourist. Or perhalps a coffee stand where I would be a barista named Geta and the locals would come for a cup and a story of my homeland, Norway, and my family who had all died in an unexpected avalanche while herding the sheep that supplied the wool needed for the manufacturing of Ugg boots. Marly will teach travelers to string flower lai's and Otto will study marine biology. If anyone trys to speak Norwegin to me, I will burst into tears and clain I am to despondant to reply in my native tounge. We will only allow ourselves to miss our past as we sit cooking our sweet potato lefsa on a hot rock in our fire pit on Christmas, and plan for the day I can tell Hubby of our whereabouts, after he has retired and cashes in his pension, to join us. I cannot tell him sooner, as he cannot lie and the police would see through him faster than the clear sea saltwater that will be in the taffy I will manufacture and slip notes in, fortune cookie style, before shipping back to Minnesota to maintain correspondence with my family behind.
Areosmith, Cake, Systems of the Down, Rolling Stones and even a new PSP to keep me and the kids entertained on the long drive went on the Walmart shopping list in my mind as I squeezed my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel so I would not slide back in the seat and be unable to reach the accelerator once the semi in front of me finally pulls into traffic onto highway 8. I must remember a large cushion to brace my back as long as I'm there, or I will never be able to drive the entire trip, I thought.
It was then the semi pulled into traffic and I caught sight of those beautiful bovine eyes pleading with me. Roberts eyes. His license plate on his Mercedes reads Dr Bear. And he is a sweet teddy bear of a doctor man. He has been back at recovery almost a month now. I am always glad to see him and he is polite and often asks after my kids. I share my adventures on my day off with him and I show him pictures of my family. I try to make a special effort to cook healthy alternatives for Robert. He vaguely mentioned once to me he likes kale, and I told him I would see what I could do to get my hands on some for him. Robert has told me if he does not take care of his body, and what he eats, he is more tempted to abuse chemicals again. The thought of him backsliding and start using again could mean the possibility of him unintentionally hurting one of his patents. I could not live like that, even on a beach front nirvana.
All I thought about when I turned that grey van around at the stop sign was weather or not the bale of kale in the back would taste good with a smathering of thousand island dressing.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Clique
The picture was taken so long ago, I had forgotten it had existed. I barely recognize us in it. My home girls. Five girl friends till the end. Looking at how young we are there, babies really, it makes me feel old. That was the last time we were all together.
It was taken on my best friends wedding day. Well more exactly on the day after the ceremony, during the gift opening party at her parents house. We are all tired, slightly hung over, and sad, as we pose one last time on the front steps before leaving for mostly good, on that Sunday afternoon so long ago. We all know life as we know it will never be the same for us. But we are excited for the future too. And happy, if not envious of our friend for having just married the man of her dreams and is about to depart to start her new life far away from us.
That's Diania on the far end of the steps we are all lined up. Bold and straight forward, Diania confidently looks directly into the camera's lens. It is her camera that takes this picture. We all admire her for the courage it has taken her as she recently moved to the big city and started photography classes on her own. She is the one who directed and organized us all to sit still for this. After she meets her abusive husband, and her family shuns her when she finally divorces him, it will be along time before she is able to look anyone, especially her self straight in the eye. It is years before I hear her infectious laughter pour out of her again.
Laney is sitting besides Dianna, mouth wide open in a nervous laugh. I know she is uncomfortable having this picture taken. She was not aloud her required two hours primping time before we all sat down and throw our arms around each other. Even though she is slightly slumped down, like she is wishing her body could fold it's self in on herself to hide, the body a brick shit house would envy, is visible. Maybe it is the stress of live as a single mother, or being the parent of a spoilt beast, that has caused Laney to gorge herself to unhealthy proportions, and rarely leave her apartment except to her dental practice.
There is Carry, front and center, as it should be, it is her day. She has been the main attraction for the long weekend and she has her practiced smile and head tilt down to a T. Her white blond hair is shining like a halo, and she looks so happy. She still does to this day. The desicion she made that weekend was the right one, young and inexperienced as she was. Her boys resemble her. They were well worth all the difficulties it took for her to have them. Big sky country has smiles down on her from the photo's she sends me of the mountain biking trips or her latest promotion with her career.
Then there is Laury, sitting taller than any of us, head back, long beautiful red hair tumbling around her face, bright blue eyes closed in laughter. I hope it is a reflex causing her to close her eyes, and not that she is still intoxicated from the previous night, or the voices telling her not to look. Damn those voices that stole Big Red's future. Why did she listen to them? The excess of alcohol, then drugs, sex, and now food and cigarettes were trying to abate what infallible hunger in her? Why could none of us seen where she was headed and helped her?
And that's me on the end. Looking at my friends out of the corner of my eye, hoping to freeze this moment in my mind for eternity. I look softer and rounder than I can ever remember being. At that point in my life, I had no set plans for my future. Of all of us, I have changed my vocation, location, and appearance the most. I can even remeber what I thought as the shutter closed. "C'mon already take the picture. I'm not going to ever forget this and my butt hurts from sitting on this cement in these tight jeans. I have a life to get on with. And if you don't take it soon I'm going to burst into tears."
This picture was worth a thousand words when it was taken. It is priceless with memories now.
It was taken on my best friends wedding day. Well more exactly on the day after the ceremony, during the gift opening party at her parents house. We are all tired, slightly hung over, and sad, as we pose one last time on the front steps before leaving for mostly good, on that Sunday afternoon so long ago. We all know life as we know it will never be the same for us. But we are excited for the future too. And happy, if not envious of our friend for having just married the man of her dreams and is about to depart to start her new life far away from us.
That's Diania on the far end of the steps we are all lined up. Bold and straight forward, Diania confidently looks directly into the camera's lens. It is her camera that takes this picture. We all admire her for the courage it has taken her as she recently moved to the big city and started photography classes on her own. She is the one who directed and organized us all to sit still for this. After she meets her abusive husband, and her family shuns her when she finally divorces him, it will be along time before she is able to look anyone, especially her self straight in the eye. It is years before I hear her infectious laughter pour out of her again.
Laney is sitting besides Dianna, mouth wide open in a nervous laugh. I know she is uncomfortable having this picture taken. She was not aloud her required two hours primping time before we all sat down and throw our arms around each other. Even though she is slightly slumped down, like she is wishing her body could fold it's self in on herself to hide, the body a brick shit house would envy, is visible. Maybe it is the stress of live as a single mother, or being the parent of a spoilt beast, that has caused Laney to gorge herself to unhealthy proportions, and rarely leave her apartment except to her dental practice.
There is Carry, front and center, as it should be, it is her day. She has been the main attraction for the long weekend and she has her practiced smile and head tilt down to a T. Her white blond hair is shining like a halo, and she looks so happy. She still does to this day. The desicion she made that weekend was the right one, young and inexperienced as she was. Her boys resemble her. They were well worth all the difficulties it took for her to have them. Big sky country has smiles down on her from the photo's she sends me of the mountain biking trips or her latest promotion with her career.
Then there is Laury, sitting taller than any of us, head back, long beautiful red hair tumbling around her face, bright blue eyes closed in laughter. I hope it is a reflex causing her to close her eyes, and not that she is still intoxicated from the previous night, or the voices telling her not to look. Damn those voices that stole Big Red's future. Why did she listen to them? The excess of alcohol, then drugs, sex, and now food and cigarettes were trying to abate what infallible hunger in her? Why could none of us seen where she was headed and helped her?
And that's me on the end. Looking at my friends out of the corner of my eye, hoping to freeze this moment in my mind for eternity. I look softer and rounder than I can ever remember being. At that point in my life, I had no set plans for my future. Of all of us, I have changed my vocation, location, and appearance the most. I can even remeber what I thought as the shutter closed. "C'mon already take the picture. I'm not going to ever forget this and my butt hurts from sitting on this cement in these tight jeans. I have a life to get on with. And if you don't take it soon I'm going to burst into tears."
This picture was worth a thousand words when it was taken. It is priceless with memories now.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Spirit of Renewal
First of all, I just want to state I do not believe in ghosts. Nope, the paranormal only live in other people's minds. They are not real. I do believe people think they have seen the unknown, but until I have some reliable solid facts, I hold boogy men incredible. Even more strange, I do know that I personally think that I once, not only seen, but had a short conversation with on as well. But that was a while back and time has a way with making one doubt their own memory. Since then I have come up with umpteen million explanations for my ethereal experience. But that story is for another time.
It seams, however, that I have been working closely with one for the past five months. My co-workers were reluctant to tell me of the phenomena I have deemed Bojangales, for fear I would not work by myself in the satilight kitchen across campus from the main kitchen. From what I have discovered, my company has had a hard time keeping staff in my position because of Bojangales surprise appearances. Now if my co-workers would not have let their sightings slip, I would have been happy in my nieve little world. I would blamed the misplaced thermometers and the bumps in the night as just that, forgetfulness and noise. But now I am always on edge. And in doubt. I do not believe there is anyone there with me, but with the darkness that invades our waning daylight hours, darkness invades my mind.
There are many times when I am in the building all alone. My kitchen is part of the alumni lodge, where gaduates of the recovery program return to stay for follow up treatment. Often the front offices close at five. So frequently it is just me, one little munkay, and up to thirty guests, and come to find out, Bojangles. After dinner, when the guest speakers are lecturing in the main auditorium hall, it is just me and Jangy.
Jangy, by my understanding, first made his appearance to Heidi one night as she was locking the walk in cooler door and Jangy was on the inside, looking out at her through the glass window in the door. Heidi left the satilight kitchen never to return. Sent a matenance man over to retrieve her keys. Yes, I tell myself, they was her own reflection she seen, but she claims she has never worn glasses, Jangy does. So says Mitch, who claims to have seen a vaporous bespeckled man him in the hall leading to the loading dock more than once.
Mostly Jangy is friendly and tries to help. When he tipped over the seventy pound silverware rolling machine in the locked dry storage, and moved the napkins across the room and in between the cases of pop for little ninety pound old Heidi, well that was just mischievous. Helping the housekeepers by spraying cleaning solvents across walls and turning on showers shows Jangy is really going the extra mile. He helps the guest check out by always having the luggage trolleys outside the right doors in the mornings before the receptionists day begins. The tales of him singing through intercom systems that are not longer connected, well that to me is just far-fetched. I want to think that the mechanical hulk who patrols my building is on my side on the non-existence of this haunt, being as soon as I mention Jangy, his mouth gets all tight as he closes his hand securely around his flashlight and he immediately begins fidgeting with the buttons on his walky-talky as he hastens away.
To deal with this spooky notion, I have to to think of Jangy as my imaginary friend. "New friend!", I will announce before entering an uninhabited room. ( I do now wish to surprise him or offend him if he does not like the name I have given him.) " Man, it sure is quiet in here I hope it stays this way", I will ponder out loud, as often as I utter, "Now it just isn't nice to scare a lady, or me." I hope he has a sense of humor. I have even been thoughtful enough to leave my little buddy notes. " Please file my inventory sheets. Double check the sham controls. I will see if my productivity increases. I just know I get done at work a hell of a lot faster now. Remind me to leave a thank you note.
It seams, however, that I have been working closely with one for the past five months. My co-workers were reluctant to tell me of the phenomena I have deemed Bojangales, for fear I would not work by myself in the satilight kitchen across campus from the main kitchen. From what I have discovered, my company has had a hard time keeping staff in my position because of Bojangales surprise appearances. Now if my co-workers would not have let their sightings slip, I would have been happy in my nieve little world. I would blamed the misplaced thermometers and the bumps in the night as just that, forgetfulness and noise. But now I am always on edge. And in doubt. I do not believe there is anyone there with me, but with the darkness that invades our waning daylight hours, darkness invades my mind.
There are many times when I am in the building all alone. My kitchen is part of the alumni lodge, where gaduates of the recovery program return to stay for follow up treatment. Often the front offices close at five. So frequently it is just me, one little munkay, and up to thirty guests, and come to find out, Bojangles. After dinner, when the guest speakers are lecturing in the main auditorium hall, it is just me and Jangy.
Jangy, by my understanding, first made his appearance to Heidi one night as she was locking the walk in cooler door and Jangy was on the inside, looking out at her through the glass window in the door. Heidi left the satilight kitchen never to return. Sent a matenance man over to retrieve her keys. Yes, I tell myself, they was her own reflection she seen, but she claims she has never worn glasses, Jangy does. So says Mitch, who claims to have seen a vaporous bespeckled man him in the hall leading to the loading dock more than once.
Mostly Jangy is friendly and tries to help. When he tipped over the seventy pound silverware rolling machine in the locked dry storage, and moved the napkins across the room and in between the cases of pop for little ninety pound old Heidi, well that was just mischievous. Helping the housekeepers by spraying cleaning solvents across walls and turning on showers shows Jangy is really going the extra mile. He helps the guest check out by always having the luggage trolleys outside the right doors in the mornings before the receptionists day begins. The tales of him singing through intercom systems that are not longer connected, well that to me is just far-fetched. I want to think that the mechanical hulk who patrols my building is on my side on the non-existence of this haunt, being as soon as I mention Jangy, his mouth gets all tight as he closes his hand securely around his flashlight and he immediately begins fidgeting with the buttons on his walky-talky as he hastens away.
To deal with this spooky notion, I have to to think of Jangy as my imaginary friend. "New friend!", I will announce before entering an uninhabited room. ( I do now wish to surprise him or offend him if he does not like the name I have given him.) " Man, it sure is quiet in here I hope it stays this way", I will ponder out loud, as often as I utter, "Now it just isn't nice to scare a lady, or me." I hope he has a sense of humor. I have even been thoughtful enough to leave my little buddy notes. " Please file my inventory sheets. Double check the sham controls. I will see if my productivity increases. I just know I get done at work a hell of a lot faster now. Remind me to leave a thank you note.
Friday, September 02, 2005
If I had Only said....
"I weigh one hundred and thirty pounds tops there Dr. Dumbass. That is not fat. I know the diabetic diet plan and the hypoglycemic food index inside/outside/upside down. My cholesterol is better than yours. You spend the next hour with the dietician and I'll bill you 150. big ones."
"No, my dad is not home right now. But you already know that. So I'll just breath into the phone for awhile and you'll give me an A for this quarters algebra. And I'll hate numbers for the rest of my school days and long into adulthood. Goodbye."
"If henna is a safe natural way to bring out my hairs own red highlights, do it to your own hair Sis. I like my blond hair. But I think seeing you with burnt carrot orange hair would be worth it. It will grow out or break off in time."
"No, you do not have to love it like it was your own. It is, after all, the Rocks baby. But thanks for saying that right after I took the early pregnancy test Hubby."
"Show me YOUR tits. Man boobies really turn me one. And I'll stop waving these enticing beads."
"Not another thing that needs feeding is coming into the house." (What I should of said after the first dog, the first cat, the first bird, the first fish, the first cow, the first plant, the first spare boy.)
"Drugs? No! Contraband fruit yes! I so enjoy a good cavity search. And I'm a lesbian too boot, even better. Bring it on Butchy!"
"Ride the "wild thing" again? I'll just save us the time and money and throw up on you right here and now!"
"Just buy a new spark plug to be sure for pitys sake. I'm really not stupid enough to hold a wrench to that piece of metal while standing in wet grass as you pull the cord."
"Stay with me and tell the hairdresser I am a girl. I am too shy to tell her that I am not a boy and will be traumatized when she cuts my hair soo short. I will never again be able to wear my hair short, even it is obvious I am female."
"GIRL FRIEND COMES HOME? What the hell do you mean, girl friend comes home. Hand me my clothes you pig."
"Angle food, red velvet, crumb-now that is cake. Climbing all the way up here, tresspassing on private property with this massive home made bungie contraption of sorts, is not cake. Carry me back down."
"Yes, I'll dance." (Should have been said to Tom Balerd. I thought he said, "Wet your pants? yes he was that hot, that I could not imagine him dancing with me. I could imagine myself wetting myself however- so I ran to the bathroom instead.)
"No, I do not believe you. I have stopped arguing with you, not that I agree with you, but to better my view the smoke that any second will start pouring out of my own ass. Ow! Your nose just took out my eye!"
"Give me the painkillers now while my window of opportunity is open, don't hold back." (Go through labor and you will be nodding your head right now.)
"Take me with you to South Dakota, Dale. I will not let you spend every last cent of your savings and inheritance buying a sick race horse."
"No pastor Paul, I will never be back to fulfill my confirmation requirements. Instead I will be plagued with vague guilt right up to the point I stop practicing Lutheranism."
"So what if I do have long trombone playing arms, Mr. Weiner? I want to play the drums. Let me pound my heart out for you. Your band can find someone more geeky to play trombone."
"I will draw and quarter you if you insist I butcher frozen chickens, so you can save a buck ten per case. What is my time worth here, ever figure that one out? I will slap you sensible with my iceberg hands, cheese natzi."
"Sufficiently adequate, am I? Our pool boy says I'm the best he's ever had." (Ok so I did say that one out loud, I just wanted someone other than Hubby to hear.)
"I'm too heavy to get a gig as an airline stewardess am I? Heavy is this anvil I'm about to drop on your head."
"Of course I have room for dessert. Bring two you wimp."
"Try selling me an extended warranty one more time, and I"m using this appliances own cord to strangle you. No means no."
"Oh, you wish you could eat like me do you? Well it's obvious you do. You just gotta learn to work that mother load once and awhile eh."
"I'm glad my child puked that nasty medicine up all over you there Dr Screwball Mc Gooball. When he is here for nausea, he is nauseous. Try vet school. Quack."
"I'm naming the baby after you, dad. I'm not taking the two more weeks, which you don't have, to tell you."
"No, I won't marry you Roy, because I am way way too young. Please forget I just yelled. "Help, my hair is caught in your door handle."
"Yes, your son should have married "the nice one." How I wish it was her here right now, instead of me."
"If chasing you around the kitchen table brandishing a broken glass keg-o-ketchup is evil, than yes, I'm evil. But you are gonna clean this mess up and go with me to church in the morning damn it."
Would my life had turned out any better if I had said these at the opertune time? Maybe, but probly not, because if I had gotten myself into these places in the first place...
"No, my dad is not home right now. But you already know that. So I'll just breath into the phone for awhile and you'll give me an A for this quarters algebra. And I'll hate numbers for the rest of my school days and long into adulthood. Goodbye."
"If henna is a safe natural way to bring out my hairs own red highlights, do it to your own hair Sis. I like my blond hair. But I think seeing you with burnt carrot orange hair would be worth it. It will grow out or break off in time."
"No, you do not have to love it like it was your own. It is, after all, the Rocks baby. But thanks for saying that right after I took the early pregnancy test Hubby."
"Show me YOUR tits. Man boobies really turn me one. And I'll stop waving these enticing beads."
"Not another thing that needs feeding is coming into the house." (What I should of said after the first dog, the first cat, the first bird, the first fish, the first cow, the first plant, the first spare boy.)
"Drugs? No! Contraband fruit yes! I so enjoy a good cavity search. And I'm a lesbian too boot, even better. Bring it on Butchy!"
"Ride the "wild thing" again? I'll just save us the time and money and throw up on you right here and now!"
"Just buy a new spark plug to be sure for pitys sake. I'm really not stupid enough to hold a wrench to that piece of metal while standing in wet grass as you pull the cord."
"Stay with me and tell the hairdresser I am a girl. I am too shy to tell her that I am not a boy and will be traumatized when she cuts my hair soo short. I will never again be able to wear my hair short, even it is obvious I am female."
"GIRL FRIEND COMES HOME? What the hell do you mean, girl friend comes home. Hand me my clothes you pig."
"Angle food, red velvet, crumb-now that is cake. Climbing all the way up here, tresspassing on private property with this massive home made bungie contraption of sorts, is not cake. Carry me back down."
"Yes, I'll dance." (Should have been said to Tom Balerd. I thought he said, "Wet your pants? yes he was that hot, that I could not imagine him dancing with me. I could imagine myself wetting myself however- so I ran to the bathroom instead.)
"No, I do not believe you. I have stopped arguing with you, not that I agree with you, but to better my view the smoke that any second will start pouring out of my own ass. Ow! Your nose just took out my eye!"
"Give me the painkillers now while my window of opportunity is open, don't hold back." (Go through labor and you will be nodding your head right now.)
"Take me with you to South Dakota, Dale. I will not let you spend every last cent of your savings and inheritance buying a sick race horse."
"No pastor Paul, I will never be back to fulfill my confirmation requirements. Instead I will be plagued with vague guilt right up to the point I stop practicing Lutheranism."
"So what if I do have long trombone playing arms, Mr. Weiner? I want to play the drums. Let me pound my heart out for you. Your band can find someone more geeky to play trombone."
"I will draw and quarter you if you insist I butcher frozen chickens, so you can save a buck ten per case. What is my time worth here, ever figure that one out? I will slap you sensible with my iceberg hands, cheese natzi."
"Sufficiently adequate, am I? Our pool boy says I'm the best he's ever had." (Ok so I did say that one out loud, I just wanted someone other than Hubby to hear.)
"I'm too heavy to get a gig as an airline stewardess am I? Heavy is this anvil I'm about to drop on your head."
"Of course I have room for dessert. Bring two you wimp."
"Try selling me an extended warranty one more time, and I"m using this appliances own cord to strangle you. No means no."
"Oh, you wish you could eat like me do you? Well it's obvious you do. You just gotta learn to work that mother load once and awhile eh."
"I'm glad my child puked that nasty medicine up all over you there Dr Screwball Mc Gooball. When he is here for nausea, he is nauseous. Try vet school. Quack."
"I'm naming the baby after you, dad. I'm not taking the two more weeks, which you don't have, to tell you."
"No, I won't marry you Roy, because I am way way too young. Please forget I just yelled. "Help, my hair is caught in your door handle."
"Yes, your son should have married "the nice one." How I wish it was her here right now, instead of me."
"If chasing you around the kitchen table brandishing a broken glass keg-o-ketchup is evil, than yes, I'm evil. But you are gonna clean this mess up and go with me to church in the morning damn it."
Would my life had turned out any better if I had said these at the opertune time? Maybe, but probly not, because if I had gotten myself into these places in the first place...
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